I see you…

 

bf0c88e5-7a83-4cf8-9d99-69967b4637dcAmong the MANY great people who have inspired me this year of 2015 – the list is quite long and the first on it is my husband – are these three amazing women whom, I believe, I told you about before Jenny Be., Jenny Br. and Helen K. and I wanted to write a little something and share my fortune with you.

Jenny Be. told me the other day something that I already knew about myself, yet did not fully understand until she mentioned it (and I gave it some thoughts).

You are always over-analysing things, hon’…

Indeed, I am! No matter what I decide to do, somehow I need to figure out my next move and the next, and the next after that. In the end, the decision is no more than wishful thinking and unattainable dreams. I put barriers on my path, somehow making excuses and self-sabotaging any chance of complete happiness – I say complete, because, in truth, I am already very happy. In other words, I am a control freak… ring a bell?

As I write this, however, I am still doing it… did you notice? I am over-analysing the situation. Am I scared? Probably… But of what? I am not sure I have the answer, or maybe I do… and facing the answer is what scares me, so I am in fact doubly scared: of the answer and of facing it.

Jenny Br. has given me hope and support… she does that without even trying actually which is quite brilliant. It is not so much what she says to me but how she says it… the tone in her voice, the look in her eyes or her smile (or lack of it)…

Once she told me something like this:

I am so impressed with you creativity, you are so good at that kind of things. I wish I was good at something, but I am not.

This is not exactly how she put it, and since then I do hope that she thinks otherwise about herself because she has her own talents in other domains and that is what makes her special. Back then, when she told me this, this is the only thing I heard: the way she saw herself… today, I see us both and we are shining like stars in our own different ways. This is pretty cool stuff.

ICU ©2011-2015 xdrummer on Deviantart
ICU by Jonas Ekman ©2011-2015

Helen K. is my therapist / coach, for lack of better words. After our latest session, she gave me an exercise that I have not done yet. I am still trying to find out why… but I will do it, though.

For twenty minutes, every day, during one week, you’ll sit in front of the mirror and look into your own eyes to find your true self. You need to embrace your own greatness.

Fear is the first word that comes to mind as for the reason why I still haven’t done this exercise. As you have already noticed, I am still doing it… over-analysing… but I believe it will help me get over this unjustified fear that I have. Unjustified to you but very much justified to me.

Fact: I am scared…
Fact: I fear to face the answers to the reasons why I am scared…
Fact: I am scared of accepting & facing my own greatness…
Fact: I am scared of finding out more about who I truly am…

The good thing about all this is that I have taken the first step… the second step is to face whatever I fear. No small feat I assure you, but I am hopeful. After all, others went through this before, why could I not do the same?

The third step… hmm! Let’s not over-analyse things, just go for it.

2016 will bring me challenges and I am getting ready to face them head on.
What about you?

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

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