Entwined in music and self awareness

 

I’m winning!

flower-646127_1280Spring is back and once again I’ve returned onto the beaten tracks along the river. Under a cloud-heavy sky, where the sun was allowed to pierce through and show me the way; ear to ear with the Poets, I let thy voice guide my steps towards the light. Tiredness was not as present in my body, thus enabling me to pick up the pace to the rhythm of the music. I moved like dancing as I walked alone under the watchful eyes of the burgeoning trees. My heart was on “Fire” and my senses awakened with every breath I took. I was one with my surroundings and the words that were ringing through all the pores of my skin. It looked like Spring but smelled of Fall.

For every new song, my smile grew wider and I was singing along without letting one sound coming out of my mouth. The sun was ever so bright, making the fading Winter in all its muddy shades of grey prettier than it ever was in my mind. Now and then, I stopped to watch the water birds dive in the ice-cold river; the traces of ice remained in isolated ponds hidden in the shadows of the forest. The dampness of the soil was a delight and I could not help enjoying my newfound – but never lost – freedom. The truth is that I could not be freer than I already am; it is just that I was walking, letting thoughts about my situation come and go when I suddenly realised that this was it: I am winning! I thought to myself.

Self Awareness

268HThe words I was listening to were telling me so many stories and showing me as many emotions, but none of them were new. They were words that reflected my own being, although I could never write them in such a way, but at the same time, I could, in my own emotional chaotic manner, just like those that were singing in my ears. It is a strange feeling to experience music, no… that particular music… like I do. My entire body listens to it and it speaks to me on a raw, yet deep, level. I wish I could tell you all that I felt for every track that played during my morning wandering, but my playlist has about thirty titles and it would probably take me a week – or more – to go through it all. Be that as it may, I had uncontrollable reactions to some songs: tears starting rolling on my cheeks before I could even stop them; my breath taken away by the emotions. This actually forced me to stop in my tracks a couple of times, let them run their course to then resume my stroll. I was not sad or anything like that, though; the strength of the voice, the words, and the melodies combined simply knocked the air out of my lungs dragging pearls of salted water from my eyes; strong reactions to beauty with a capital B to say the least. Everything I have experienced that day, from the pureness of nature to the power of the music have made me so much more aware of me. It is a great feeling.

The next stage

Between two tracks, birds were adding their own notes to the mix, broadening my smile and by that time, I might have looked like a crazy person to anyone who would have crossed my path. As I said, I was quite alone but for the occasional person coming from the opposite direction – I think I met about three or four different people, greeting them with a smile and a half whispered half mute Swedish “Hej”. During my whole walk, I was checking my posture and constantly reminding myself to keep my head up high and especially stop slouching. I was – and am – one proud gal, for I even surprised myself as the idea of going back to work didn’t feel uncomfortable or scary anymore. Just a few weeks left and I will be fully ready to get to the next stage of my play. Wondrous!

I was so in tune with my emotions that transpired in the music and the scenery!
It was a magical walk and I wish you could have felt it too.

Be well!
Be kind, respect and love all life!

/Claire

 

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