Ever since I crashed at work beginning of October 2015, my journey towards recovery has been a slow and bumpy – as in “a bumpy ride” due to my mood swings, tiredness etc. Fortunately for me, I have recently had the good fortune of meeting an excellent Cognitive Behavior Therapist. She has given me inspiring toolsto rebuild myself. All my senses are in disarray, but it is far from being a hopeless situation… on the contrary… I have now the opportunity to put them first in my list of priorities in order to experience the world in a new light and therefore as I should.
“Go in to the forest without rushing your steps! Feel the ground under your feet, the cool air on your cheeks, smell the forest, rejoice the autumnal colours… let all this fill you up…”
I went to the forest a few days ago. The weather was not optimal, but the sky had this happy grey colour of early morning which made it very pleasant. I was alone, a notebook, a pen and a camera in my pockets. I breathed deeply the cool sweet air and strolled down the path. It was covered with yellow, orange and brown leaves. The soil was damp, yet it dig not smell the usual fragrance of an autumn day. Every few steps, my eyes were caught by something that made me feel…
In these moments, I took out my little black notebook, grabbed my pen and started photographing my surroundings with words while standing on the side of the path. This is what I saw:
Two ladies were walking towards me,
Their heads turned to each other,
They were cackling like busy geese…
One wore a red fleece cardigan
And walked with hiking poles;
The other looked as grey as the sky,
Her hair was short, her clothes dark blue and grey.
I saw no exterior sign of warmth coming from her…
She started talking as soon as the other stopped…
No pause, I noticed… hurriedly she talked as if her words were running a marathon.
At the precise moment of that switch, the red cardigan lady looked up at me…
She gave me the most generous and warm smile while greeting me;
Smile and greetings that I gladly returned.
The moment was over and I went on without lingering on what I had just experienced. Strangely, the exercises my therapist gave me were made even more relevant through a simple encounter of two ladies in the woods… I can state today, after reliving it as I am writing to you, that I saw myself in them.
I saw two persons so absorbed in the sound of their voices that they forgot to listen to the world around them; they were in such a hurry to exchange as much information as possible – in a very short time I assume – that they forgot to look further than one another and see the beauty exploding in front of them, begging to be admired. They forgot to breathe, smell, look, listen and feel.
This event was very sobering by its simplicity. It was the exquisite illustration of where I stand today, what I want and need to achieve to be me again.